It's not as though I was inclined to be honest about what I wanted. [ Which was, in fact, for someone to be there with him. ] Needing other people is terrifying when you're certain you are one wrong step away from ending whatever precious few friendships you have.
I don't... [Whatever he was about to say, he shuts his mouth and decides to rephrase it into something that is more honest.] I mind this forceful honesty, but I don't think it's a reason not to kiss you. I'm not prone to lying to you, but I do tell half-truths and technicalities. I don't know what you would do if you learned the full truth of me, but...I also don't think you have any real place to judge.
You're in the middle of a lot of emotional turmoil. You'd be open to this, [with a motion between them] but I don't think it would be healthy for you to jump in with someone right now. And I'm a little afraid of what it would mean to get myself in the middle of you and at least two of your loves that you're having issues with. It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to me, and it's not fair to Sylvie or Alexandrie, either.
If I kissed you, right now, would you be able to stop at a kiss?
I'm going to set aside what I don't know of you for now, because I am fairly convinced that whatever it is, as upsetting or distressing or whatnot as it may be, will not be enough to change our friendship. Because I already know what you aren't, if that makes any sense.
[ He could be wrong, but. He doubts it. When you stab people in the back, literally, all the time, you tend to either have a very intense view of betrayal or an understanding that some things are never comfortable. Loki is attempting to embrace the latter concept, here. Either way, he shrugs. ]
If I told Sylvie that I kissed you she would probably laugh and ask me what took me so long. Or demand to know why I'm telling her in the first place. If I told Alexandrie she'd be happy that I was doing... something normal, I suppose. Normal for me, anyway.
[ Loki has to consider his answer to that last part. ]
I could. If you told me that's what you wanted, I could do that.
[ Is it what he'd desire? No. But that wasn't the question. ]
It is for me. [ Loki pulls a face; he doesn't want to say this, but: ]
I think perhaps it hasn't been, for you. Or maybe it hasn't ever been complicated and that's the disconnect. Either way, I'm not as worried as you are. About this.
[ Loki may be exhausted emotionally and physically on top of being sleep-deprived but he's far from stupid. It only takes him a few seconds to pull it all together, the fact that Mobius is a competent fighter, his somewhat knee-jerk reaction to learning that Mado and Loki could shape-shift, the fact that he has no magic of his own. ]
Templar. [ A breath. ] Okay.
[ He would really like to freak out about this. He would. The problem is he said that he didn't care about Mobius' secrets and he meant that, and to freak out now would be to make that more than a little bit of a lie and he, frankly, refuses to do that. Right now. Just no. ]
It doesn't change much. [ Loki is seriously considering finishing his drink, though, but again dismisses the impulse. ] It doesn't change what I want or what I'm interested in.
[He waits for an upset. For something to break, for a yell, for something. Hears it named, and then. It's just okay. It doesn't change much.
And he knows it has to be the truth. It's just still hard to believe that.]
For whatever it's worth, [and he still doesn't open his eyes, doesn't look at Loki, feels like he's waiting for judgement to pass and it passed him by and he feels...unworthy] I'm not one anymore. I'm not going back to the Chantry and fighting at their side as one. I'm here instead.
Don't tell anyone. If you can help it, under the circumstances.
[ It's still a little scary, somehow, in a bit of a distant sort of way, and it makes quite a bit of sense, but Loki feels better knowing that Mobius is friends with Rifters (like himself) and here, fighting the 'good' fight, or whatever that means. That's better than most Templars, he imagines. There aren't that many in Riftwatch that he's personally aware of.
Probably because there are a lot of mages who wouldn't react kindly to finding out about them. ]
I won't. [ He'll take care not to let it come up. The only person he can imagine telling anyway is Sylvie, and he's not even sure she would understand the full ramifications of what it means, so.
Yeah. He can keep a secret or three. ]
It doesn't... [ An exhale. ] Make the idea of you inside of me any less intriguing to me. Even though I think perhaps we've both had too much to drink for that particular activity.
[And finally, that's enough to get him to look. There are plenty of people who wouldn't find that worth more than spit. But Loki is not most people. Loki's not even common among Rifters, really.
It's really almost a blessing that Loki brings it back around to the fun distractions they could be doing. Mobius would not necessarily agree that either one of them has had too much to drink for that. But. Maybe if he kicks back the rest of his glass. Would that be too much? What if Loki has the rest of his?
Mobius closes some distance between them and sets his empty glass down beside Loki's that still has drink that shouldn't, he thinks, go to waste.]
I'm still up for it sometime. But it's wiser if we wait for you to be in even a slightly more stable place. I'll stay here, keep you company. I'll stay in the same room if you want. I'll stay in your bed. Doing anything more than that right now is... [He tilts his head. It's wiser to wait, yes. Are they going to? Seems still up in the air. Because it's tempting.] Do you think it's a bad idea?
[ Loki swallows and nods along with Mobius staying he'll stay. That he'll share a bed with him. Really that's the bare minimum he could hope for, but.
Well.
Mobius is standing very close and the desire to touch or kiss or just be held is very strong and he would hate how needy that makes him seem or feel with so many others but not this man. ]
I feel like there's no way I can explain why I don't that wouldn't lead you to worry overmuch about me, or my coping mechanisms when I fall into... ruts like this one. [ He opens his hands at his sides, expression doing something pained and complicated. ] I find sex pleasant and distracting in a way that I am very interested in right now, because very little else feels pleasant or sufficiently distracting.
So there is... that aspect. And I realize how it sounds, and I know it is not considered the best behavior, most likely, but I have been... so lonely, and struggling so much with being alone, that part of me is desperate for something that is not that. That is never that, at least not in the moments it's happening.
[ It's Loki's turn to shut his eyes because he can't imagine that these things he's saying will convince Mobius at all and yet. He's saying them anyway. ]
And I miss... desire, and the physical completion, which I cannot do on my own as sad as I've been, and the feeling of connectedness that happens during and after intimacy.
If it were just that it would be simple enough. Find someone willing to take coin for the exchange of being held and holding in return.
I want it. Is it a bad idea? It feels like one of the least destructive things I could want right now, to be fucked by someone I trust.
[Oh. Oh, this is all such a bad idea. Of course he worries, but also, Loki's not even originally human. Why should Mobius always understand where he comes from, what he considers normal? But also, why should Mobius understand when his own lived experience is so, so small? He's never had anything complicated like Loki's had. But he absolutely understands fucking around with someone you like and still being friends in the morning and there not being some kind of obligation to be romantically involved.
Not that he knows what being romantically involved with anyone personally feels like, either.]
You don't have to take a vow of celibacy or chastity when you join the Order. Some people do, on a personal level. Relationships are discouraged. That mostly applies to marriage and children. Thinking is, if you're already dedicated to the Maker in what can be a dangerous line of work, having the distraction and the financial responsibility is gonna do no one any favors. And you definitely don't marry each other.
So sex technically wasn't against the rules. But you did it quietly, quickly, sneak away somewhere nobody's gonna catch you. The last thing you want is one of the Sisters or a senior enchanter to catch you clanking armor with your pants down.
[He reaches for Loki. Slides a few fingers under his chin before continuing on along his sharp jawline, cradles the hinge of it in the palm of his hand while he teases locks of dark hair. All that to say:] I haven't had much opportunity to take my time with someone before.
[He coaxes Loki down at the same time he leans in for a kiss that he knows is a terrible idea.]
[ Loki's eyes slowly open as Mobius speaks, half-lidded and bracing for another gentle rejection or another question about why how and whether or not it's a good idea. Not that he's tired of them, exactly; he enjoys talking to Mobius at the best of times and while this is not the best of times it's also not nearly as bad as it could be.
At least the other man is here, in front of him.
He's just not sure which of them is in need of convincing right now.
There's a little line between his brows at what Mobius divulges. A lifetime of secret hookups? More likely than you think, apparently.
And here he'd been imagining that Mobius had gotten at some point to have a first love, something forged of bright passion and flaming hope that time or circumstance had changed for him.
The touch kind of brings all of those thoughts to a screeching halt, Loki's eyes opening more fully and then going a bit wide as Mobius continues speaking. He doesn't get a word in edgewise as he's pulled down towards Mobius in order to kiss him and that, honestly?
Is fine.
He can let his body do the communicating at this point.
Loki's side of the kiss starts off softly enough, getting used to the feel of it, the tickle from Mobius' mustache and the sensation of the other man's lips on his own. The taste of alcohol on both their tongues, different yet complementary. He lets his eyes close and his mouth open, hands at his sides before one settles at Mobius' hip. He means to make a noise of encouragement but what comes out is something that is merely wanton and little else. ]
[Loki is needy and desperate and pliant and wanting and. Maybe Mobius is starting to realize he's not entirely different.
The man opens his mouth, and Mobius wastes no time diving in, eager in his own way. This is a bad idea. He's sure of it. But it's not the first time he'd gone through with a bad idea, and it won't be the last. If this is the most honest they'll ever be, then why not lay it all bare figuratively and literally? The attraction has never been a secret. The desire to act on it has been there for a while. This will probably come back to bite them both in the ass at some point. Maybe not now, not even soon, but eventually. He does believe that.
But if there's fallout from this, they'll have had this in the first place.
His other hand comes up to rest at the curve of Loki's neck, and he pulls back slowly, reluctantly.]
I'm gonna take my time with you. You might ask me not to, might beg, might curse my name and demand it, and I won't hear it. I will take. my. time. And if I can't give you a proper fucking tonight, I can promise I will, eventually.
You wanna finish your drink before we go somewhere a little cozier?
[ Loki's breath sounds loud in his ears and somewhat shaky to boot when Mobius breaks the kiss; it is only the two hands, one in his hair, one on his neck, that stop him from chasing that kiss further.
He's watching Mobius' mouth as he speaks, and then shifts his attention to the other man's eyes, his face in general. Loki's pupils are blown wide already. Everything Mobius is offering sounds perfect for him right now. Overwhelming and overstimulating and just what Loki needs to climb out of the darkness of his own head. The promise of more, later, if tonight is not enough. The insistence that Loki won't be able to plead, cajole, or demand his way out of it, when it threatens to undo him completely.
Mobius will be true to his word. He has no reason to disbelieve him. ]
Yes.
[ It's unclear, at first, if this is in response to Mobius' question or his offer overall, since he does nothing else for a moment until Loki picks up the glass without breaking eye contact and downs the rest of the liquid inside in one gesture before setting it back down again.
There's a small shudder across his shoulders, anticipation meeting the burn of alcohol. ]
[Loki already looks so far gone, and it's fascinating. Had he really been so touch-starved? Even affection-starved? It might not take much to unwind him.
But it'll be fun, it'll be a distraction, they'll do it all again sometime, and in the meantime? In the meantime, he gets to see Loki with all the defenses down. It's a heady thought. Compounded by the way Loki drains his glass without so much as blinking.
He starts to drop his hands away, sliding over shoulders, over chest. Like previewing for himself what he'll soon get. Catches a hand in his when they start to drop away completely.]
Upstairs. I'll stay in your bed tonight. [A cheery little smile flits across his features. Staying in someone's bed with that person. It's a bit novel, for him.] And if we can't exhaust the nightmares away, we at least won't be alone with them.
[ Loki has spent lifetimes touch and affection-starved; a year of rotating schedules between Alexandrie's own needs and roughly half that time of Sylvie's hot-and-cold affections have only worked to confirm for Loki what he'd already suspected. That he needed people more deeply than he'd ever allowed himself to realize. That touch and care and pleasure and companionship were all so tightly wound around one another that he often couldn't separate them very well.
Not that he always saw any point in trying.
He smiles when Mobius does, albeit for slightly different reasons. No one has been in his bed since Alexandrie left for Orlais. Sylvie has her own space, for one, and they've been at odds for another. Thus, Loki has been sleeping entirely alone and struggling with it, nightmares aside.
He squeezes the hand in his own. ]
I like the sound of all of that. [ For the record. He gives Mobius' hand a little tug and starts to lead them out of the room, toward the stairs, and up to his bedroom. ]
[He'd slept in a guest room, before, to give Loki his space. But he misses the company of other people as well. Not in any physically pleasant way, but merely that he's spent a lot of his life in rooms with other people. He only can't stand it down in the barracks of the Gallows because everyone's cranky and waking up all hours of the night and fitful and frightful. He keeps a blanket in the library now, stowed away, and something soft to rest his head on. When he plans on giving sleep a go.
No idea how it'll feel this way, after tangling with intimacy with a friend in a fancy Hightown place and a couple drinks. If it'll help, if it'll be the same as ever. Having someone there doesn't change the dreams. But it changes the aftermath.
He raises Loki's hand to his mouth to kiss the back of it, happy to be led, happy to do this even if it's a bad idea. Wondering if he should've done it before.]
If you've got any objections to anything in particular before we get settled, now's a good time to say it.
[Mobius doesn't plan on doing anything out of the ordinary, he thinks, other than said taking his time. But if Loki's got any hot spots to avoid, if he'd rather they don't talk, if he absolutely can't stand the idea of an occasional smack, better to say it upfront than to ruin the mood by stumbling headlong into it.]
Or if there's something you really want me to do... [He almost poses a question. But he's not keen on forcing it out of Loki.] If there's a fantasy you'd like indulged, I might be able to do something about that.
[ Loki makes a humming sound of consideration as they climb the stairs. ]
I've avoided being choked, since arriving in Thedas, but I'm not certain it is actually an objection or just... [ He makes a gesture with his free hand. ] A fear of another fear that might not even exist for me. So perhaps we continue to avoid it, or begin gently with it if we don't.
[ See? He's flexible. Really. ]
Overall there isn't much that I don't like. I can handle pain, enjoy it even, but I am disinterested in completely shaping this, tonight, around that set of needs. Touch is more important. Being with someone. [ A beat, as he chews on his lip without looking back towards Mobius and they continue up the stairs. ] Being with you.
I really like your hands in my hair. [ Which may or may not be either here or there, Loki isn't sure, but it felt worth mentioning. ] I think having you in charge of this, between us, is the fantasy I wish to indulge in first and foremost.
I can touch you. I plan on it, a lot of it. [He wets his lips for a moment, considering the options that Loki presents.] Might even start with your hair. Ease into this. We got all night. And nights after.
[But it's all noted, filed away in the mental drawer he has dedicated to Loki.]
I'm disinterested [to borrow Loki's specific phrasing] in hurting you. Tonight. I want to make you feel adored. Until you can barely stand it.
[He glances sidelong at his partner.] I don't usually go into these things with much of a plan, so I think we're just gonna feel it out as we go.
[ Loki huffs his amusement, glancing toward the carpet. ] I doubt it'll take very long to make me feel adored until I can't stand it.
[ He knows he's needy, overwhelmingly so at this point. He feels of two kinds about it, honestly. Like being disasterously needy has netted him something he wanted very much, only he's unused to being disasterously needy. ]
Alright. I doubt I'll have complaints when all is said and done.
[ He looks up again and smiles a little. ] Shall we go in?
If you do have complaints, I only want to hear about them in the morning.
[Course correct in the midst if need be, but. Loki's right. Unlikely to have complaints. Mobius is pretty sure at this point there doesn't even have to be anything sexual about any of this to give Loki some of what he really wants. Attention. Affection. The touch of another. Company. Easy.
He nudges the door open to go in first. Taking control, subtle and small but present. He'd been led to a different room off to the right before. Even then, there had been the stray thought--of sleeping in Loki's room, maybe even with Loki, even if just in a very literal sense alone rather than as colloquialism.]
I want you to get comfy. Preferably in bed, but wherever works for you.
[ Loki huffs out a laugh, running a hand through his hair as he follows Mobius into his room, which... feels incongruous, somehow. Get comfy. He can do that.
Which, unfortunately, means ignoring Mobius for a while. Or at least turning his back to him.
He changes out of his breeches but keeps the loose shirt on, running a hand through his hair again as he glances around the room. There's no underwear or smallclothes involved in Loki's wardrobe, apparently.
There's a hearth, though, and Loki lights the fire there before he goes toward the bed and pulls back the covers. When he'd decided that morning to go to the Gallows and attempt to do something useful he'd started with cleaning this room and he's glad for it, honestly. This would all be more embarrassing if he hadn't.
He climbs in but doesn't lay down right away. Instead he sits there and finally glances Mobius'way again. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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And I'm here. For you. Right now.
[Something seems to catch. Like he's trying to hold back.]
I would really like to kiss you. And I know it isn't a good idea.
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[ He spreads his hands. ]
What is the phrase? Welcome to the club?
[ His hands fall to his sides. ]
If you would rather wait, we can wait. My interest won't go anywhere if this geas passes.
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You're in the middle of a lot of emotional turmoil. You'd be open to this, [with a motion between them] but I don't think it would be healthy for you to jump in with someone right now. And I'm a little afraid of what it would mean to get myself in the middle of you and at least two of your loves that you're having issues with. It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to me, and it's not fair to Sylvie or Alexandrie, either.
If I kissed you, right now, would you be able to stop at a kiss?
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[ He could be wrong, but. He doubts it. When you stab people in the back, literally, all the time, you tend to either have a very intense view of betrayal or an understanding that some things are never comfortable. Loki is attempting to embrace the latter concept, here. Either way, he shrugs. ]
If I told Sylvie that I kissed you she would probably laugh and ask me what took me so long. Or demand to know why I'm telling her in the first place. If I told Alexandrie she'd be happy that I was doing... something normal, I suppose. Normal for me, anyway.
[ Loki has to consider his answer to that last part. ]
I could. If you told me that's what you wanted, I could do that.
[ Is it what he'd desire? No. But that wasn't the question. ]
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[He swirls the remaining liquid in his glass but doesn't drink.]
Is it really that easy? Am I just making this overcomplicated?
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I think perhaps it hasn't been, for you. Or maybe it hasn't ever been complicated and that's the disconnect. Either way, I'm not as worried as you are. About this.
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[...Oh. He said that. That came out of his mouth. He shuts his eyes and tips his head back and just. Counts seconds until something terrible happens.]
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Templar. [ A breath. ] Okay.
[ He would really like to freak out about this. He would. The problem is he said that he didn't care about Mobius' secrets and he meant that, and to freak out now would be to make that more than a little bit of a lie and he, frankly, refuses to do that. Right now. Just no. ]
It doesn't change much. [ Loki is seriously considering finishing his drink, though, but again dismisses the impulse. ] It doesn't change what I want or what I'm interested in.
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And he knows it has to be the truth. It's just still hard to believe that.]
For whatever it's worth, [and he still doesn't open his eyes, doesn't look at Loki, feels like he's waiting for judgement to pass and it passed him by and he feels...unworthy] I'm not one anymore. I'm not going back to the Chantry and fighting at their side as one. I'm here instead.
Don't tell anyone. If you can help it, under the circumstances.
love how i tagged with the WRONG LOKI ACCOUNT
[ It's still a little scary, somehow, in a bit of a distant sort of way, and it makes quite a bit of sense, but Loki feels better knowing that Mobius is friends with Rifters (like himself) and here, fighting the 'good' fight, or whatever that means. That's better than most Templars, he imagines. There aren't that many in Riftwatch that he's personally aware of.
Probably because there are a lot of mages who wouldn't react kindly to finding out about them. ]
I won't. [ He'll take care not to let it come up. The only person he can imagine telling anyway is Sylvie, and he's not even sure she would understand the full ramifications of what it means, so.
Yeah. He can keep a secret or three. ]
It doesn't... [ An exhale. ] Make the idea of you inside of me any less intriguing to me. Even though I think perhaps we've both had too much to drink for that particular activity.
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It's really almost a blessing that Loki brings it back around to the fun distractions they could be doing. Mobius would not necessarily agree that either one of them has had too much to drink for that. But. Maybe if he kicks back the rest of his glass. Would that be too much? What if Loki has the rest of his?
Mobius closes some distance between them and sets his empty glass down beside Loki's that still has drink that shouldn't, he thinks, go to waste.]
I'm still up for it sometime. But it's wiser if we wait for you to be in even a slightly more stable place. I'll stay here, keep you company. I'll stay in the same room if you want. I'll stay in your bed. Doing anything more than that right now is... [He tilts his head. It's wiser to wait, yes. Are they going to? Seems still up in the air. Because it's tempting.] Do you think it's a bad idea?
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Well.
Mobius is standing very close and the desire to touch or kiss or just be held is very strong and he would hate how needy that makes him seem or feel with so many others but not this man. ]
I feel like there's no way I can explain why I don't that wouldn't lead you to worry overmuch about me, or my coping mechanisms when I fall into... ruts like this one. [ He opens his hands at his sides, expression doing something pained and complicated. ] I find sex pleasant and distracting in a way that I am very interested in right now, because very little else feels pleasant or sufficiently distracting.
So there is... that aspect. And I realize how it sounds, and I know it is not considered the best behavior, most likely, but I have been... so lonely, and struggling so much with being alone, that part of me is desperate for something that is not that. That is never that, at least not in the moments it's happening.
[ It's Loki's turn to shut his eyes because he can't imagine that these things he's saying will convince Mobius at all and yet. He's saying them anyway. ]
And I miss... desire, and the physical completion, which I cannot do on my own as sad as I've been, and the feeling of connectedness that happens during and after intimacy.
If it were just that it would be simple enough. Find someone willing to take coin for the exchange of being held and holding in return.
I want it. Is it a bad idea? It feels like one of the least destructive things I could want right now, to be fucked by someone I trust.
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Not that he knows what being romantically involved with anyone personally feels like, either.]
You don't have to take a vow of celibacy or chastity when you join the Order. Some people do, on a personal level. Relationships are discouraged. That mostly applies to marriage and children. Thinking is, if you're already dedicated to the Maker in what can be a dangerous line of work, having the distraction and the financial responsibility is gonna do no one any favors. And you definitely don't marry each other.
So sex technically wasn't against the rules. But you did it quietly, quickly, sneak away somewhere nobody's gonna catch you. The last thing you want is one of the Sisters or a senior enchanter to catch you clanking armor with your pants down.
[He reaches for Loki. Slides a few fingers under his chin before continuing on along his sharp jawline, cradles the hinge of it in the palm of his hand while he teases locks of dark hair. All that to say:] I haven't had much opportunity to take my time with someone before.
[He coaxes Loki down at the same time he leans in for a kiss that he knows is a terrible idea.]
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At least the other man is here, in front of him.
He's just not sure which of them is in need of convincing right now.
There's a little line between his brows at what Mobius divulges. A lifetime of secret hookups? More likely than you think, apparently.
And here he'd been imagining that Mobius had gotten at some point to have a first love, something forged of bright passion and flaming hope that time or circumstance had changed for him.
The touch kind of brings all of those thoughts to a screeching halt, Loki's eyes opening more fully and then going a bit wide as Mobius continues speaking. He doesn't get a word in edgewise as he's pulled down towards Mobius in order to kiss him and that, honestly?
Is fine.
He can let his body do the communicating at this point.
Loki's side of the kiss starts off softly enough, getting used to the feel of it, the tickle from Mobius' mustache and the sensation of the other man's lips on his own. The taste of alcohol on both their tongues, different yet complementary. He lets his eyes close and his mouth open, hands at his sides before one settles at Mobius' hip. He means to make a noise of encouragement but what comes out is something that is merely wanton and little else. ]
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The man opens his mouth, and Mobius wastes no time diving in, eager in his own way. This is a bad idea. He's sure of it. But it's not the first time he'd gone through with a bad idea, and it won't be the last. If this is the most honest they'll ever be, then why not lay it all bare figuratively and literally? The attraction has never been a secret. The desire to act on it has been there for a while. This will probably come back to bite them both in the ass at some point. Maybe not now, not even soon, but eventually. He does believe that.
But if there's fallout from this, they'll have had this in the first place.
His other hand comes up to rest at the curve of Loki's neck, and he pulls back slowly, reluctantly.]
I'm gonna take my time with you. You might ask me not to, might beg, might curse my name and demand it, and I won't hear it. I will take. my. time. And if I can't give you a proper fucking tonight, I can promise I will, eventually.
You wanna finish your drink before we go somewhere a little cozier?
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He's watching Mobius' mouth as he speaks, and then shifts his attention to the other man's eyes, his face in general. Loki's pupils are blown wide already. Everything Mobius is offering sounds perfect for him right now. Overwhelming and overstimulating and just what Loki needs to climb out of the darkness of his own head. The promise of more, later, if tonight is not enough. The insistence that Loki won't be able to plead, cajole, or demand his way out of it, when it threatens to undo him completely.
Mobius will be true to his word. He has no reason to disbelieve him. ]
Yes.
[ It's unclear, at first, if this is in response to Mobius' question or his offer overall, since he does nothing else for a moment until Loki picks up the glass without breaking eye contact and downs the rest of the liquid inside in one gesture before setting it back down again.
There's a small shudder across his shoulders, anticipation meeting the burn of alcohol. ]
Upstairs, then?
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But it'll be fun, it'll be a distraction, they'll do it all again sometime, and in the meantime? In the meantime, he gets to see Loki with all the defenses down. It's a heady thought. Compounded by the way Loki drains his glass without so much as blinking.
He starts to drop his hands away, sliding over shoulders, over chest. Like previewing for himself what he'll soon get. Catches a hand in his when they start to drop away completely.]
Upstairs. I'll stay in your bed tonight. [A cheery little smile flits across his features. Staying in someone's bed with that person. It's a bit novel, for him.] And if we can't exhaust the nightmares away, we at least won't be alone with them.
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Not that he always saw any point in trying.
He smiles when Mobius does, albeit for slightly different reasons. No one has been in his bed since Alexandrie left for Orlais. Sylvie has her own space, for one, and they've been at odds for another. Thus, Loki has been sleeping entirely alone and struggling with it, nightmares aside.
He squeezes the hand in his own. ]
I like the sound of all of that. [ For the record. He gives Mobius' hand a little tug and starts to lead them out of the room, toward the stairs, and up to his bedroom. ]
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No idea how it'll feel this way, after tangling with intimacy with a friend in a fancy Hightown place and a couple drinks. If it'll help, if it'll be the same as ever. Having someone there doesn't change the dreams. But it changes the aftermath.
He raises Loki's hand to his mouth to kiss the back of it, happy to be led, happy to do this even if it's a bad idea. Wondering if he should've done it before.]
If you've got any objections to anything in particular before we get settled, now's a good time to say it.
[Mobius doesn't plan on doing anything out of the ordinary, he thinks, other than said taking his time. But if Loki's got any hot spots to avoid, if he'd rather they don't talk, if he absolutely can't stand the idea of an occasional smack, better to say it upfront than to ruin the mood by stumbling headlong into it.]
Or if there's something you really want me to do... [He almost poses a question. But he's not keen on forcing it out of Loki.] If there's a fantasy you'd like indulged, I might be able to do something about that.
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I've avoided being choked, since arriving in Thedas, but I'm not certain it is actually an objection or just... [ He makes a gesture with his free hand. ] A fear of another fear that might not even exist for me. So perhaps we continue to avoid it, or begin gently with it if we don't.
[ See? He's flexible. Really. ]
Overall there isn't much that I don't like. I can handle pain, enjoy it even, but I am disinterested in completely shaping this, tonight, around that set of needs. Touch is more important. Being with someone. [ A beat, as he chews on his lip without looking back towards Mobius and they continue up the stairs. ] Being with you.
I really like your hands in my hair. [ Which may or may not be either here or there, Loki isn't sure, but it felt worth mentioning. ] I think having you in charge of this, between us, is the fantasy I wish to indulge in first and foremost.
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[But it's all noted, filed away in the mental drawer he has dedicated to Loki.]
I'm disinterested [to borrow Loki's specific phrasing] in hurting you. Tonight. I want to make you feel adored. Until you can barely stand it.
[He glances sidelong at his partner.] I don't usually go into these things with much of a plan, so I think we're just gonna feel it out as we go.
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[ He knows he's needy, overwhelmingly so at this point. He feels of two kinds about it, honestly. Like being disasterously needy has netted him something he wanted very much, only he's unused to being disasterously needy. ]
Alright. I doubt I'll have complaints when all is said and done.
[ He looks up again and smiles a little. ] Shall we go in?
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[Course correct in the midst if need be, but. Loki's right. Unlikely to have complaints. Mobius is pretty sure at this point there doesn't even have to be anything sexual about any of this to give Loki some of what he really wants. Attention. Affection. The touch of another. Company. Easy.
He nudges the door open to go in first. Taking control, subtle and small but present. He'd been led to a different room off to the right before. Even then, there had been the stray thought--of sleeping in Loki's room, maybe even with Loki, even if just in a very literal sense alone rather than as colloquialism.]
I want you to get comfy. Preferably in bed, but wherever works for you.
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Which, unfortunately, means ignoring Mobius for a while. Or at least turning his back to him.
He changes out of his breeches but keeps the loose shirt on, running a hand through his hair again as he glances around the room. There's no underwear or smallclothes involved in Loki's wardrobe, apparently.
There's a hearth, though, and Loki lights the fire there before he goes toward the bed and pulls back the covers. When he'd decided that morning to go to the Gallows and attempt to do something useful he'd started with cleaning this room and he's glad for it, honestly. This would all be more embarrassing if he hadn't.
He climbs in but doesn't lay down right away. Instead he sits there and finally glances Mobius'way again. ]
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