I like to think it's a matter of faith. The Maker's hand and Andraste's light guided me here. Now, I don't always feel like I'm making a difference, don't always feel like I'm making an impact, but I saw the writing on the wall, as it were, and I've stayed here since.
Leaving the Order, that was also a matter of faith. Kinda more in the opposite direction. Had a lot of questions unanswered, a lot of heartache, not a small amount of anger thrown in. Honestly, it might've been a lot of stubbornness that kept me in it for as long as I was after the war started, but there was a moment...
[He lets that drift off, some quiet reminiscing. Trying not to feel the same sting.]
Had to do a lot of reevaluating after that moment, of myself, my place in the world, my relationship with my faith.
[ mobius drifts, and he lets the quiet sit, the story fall over him. there was a moment,
there have been a lot of moments. war's made of them. anger, this thing in his chest, in mobius'; it compresses. you can push it into another shape. (can't you?)
there are moments. cedric oughta be here, in this one. ]
Thank you. [ for whatever that cost to share. heartache, anger. ] 'S weird, sometimes. Not having a Sister here. A Mother. Know there's clergy in the city, but it's still — when you got questions, it's just you out there, y'know?
[He doesn't talk about the moment. Or the moments, of building to the boiling over point. Not directly. Not the things locked behind his ribs: the hopelessness, helplessness, anger, despair; the scar tissue of hope beaten back again and again, festering. The moments brought upon him to make him who he is. A better version of himself, he hopes. A version Andraste would approve of.
Maybe, if anyone, other Templars would understand best. And maybe that's why they don't tend to talk in much detail.
Maybe Cedric needs it. Time will tell.]
If you've got questions, I'm happy to discuss them with you. I know that's not the same as consulting your Circle's Mother for theological niggles, but I like the topic well enough, personally. Can't say my views have always been on the straightest and narrowest paths, though. Had my knuckles rapped a good many times as a boy for "talking back" to the Sisters when I asked something they didn't have a good answer to.
Mostly got me for daydreams. [ but it's kind of him to offer. ] Doubt Nevarran Chant sounds straight'n narrow to Marchers, anyway. Y'ever think for becoming a Brother? Back in th'day.
Oh, would've if I could've, maybe. But it wasn't the path for me. Not at the time. And now...the Chantry's got to sort itself out one way or another first before I ever think about that.
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Leaving the Order, that was also a matter of faith. Kinda more in the opposite direction. Had a lot of questions unanswered, a lot of heartache, not a small amount of anger thrown in. Honestly, it might've been a lot of stubbornness that kept me in it for as long as I was after the war started, but there was a moment...
[He lets that drift off, some quiet reminiscing. Trying not to feel the same sting.]
Had to do a lot of reevaluating after that moment, of myself, my place in the world, my relationship with my faith.
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there have been a lot of moments. war's made of them. anger, this thing in his chest, in mobius'; it compresses. you can push it into another shape. (can't you?)
there are moments. cedric oughta be here, in this one. ]
Thank you. [ for whatever that cost to share. heartache, anger. ] 'S weird, sometimes. Not having a Sister here. A Mother. Know there's clergy in the city, but it's still — when you got questions, it's just you out there, y'know?
no subject
Maybe, if anyone, other Templars would understand best. And maybe that's why they don't tend to talk in much detail.
Maybe Cedric needs it. Time will tell.]
If you've got questions, I'm happy to discuss them with you. I know that's not the same as consulting your Circle's Mother for theological niggles, but I like the topic well enough, personally. Can't say my views have always been on the straightest and narrowest paths, though. Had my knuckles rapped a good many times as a boy for "talking back" to the Sisters when I asked something they didn't have a good answer to.
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