what if...I took a basic meme premise and made it fucky - for icasm

[favoriteanalyst]

[He keeps things from Loki, of course.

Not the important things, the pertinent things. Everyone has their secrets, and no one is ever truly an open book. (Regardless of how well he knows Loki. Extenuating circumstances.) And while Loki has slowly gotten to learn more about how the TVA works, he isn't privy to every detail. He's genuinely curious sometimes. And maliciously curious at other times. Mobius tries to strike a balance, let him know or learn on his own the things he can, steer clear of the things he shouldn't.

So while he's Mobius' partner, something of a junior agent in his own right with several, several caveats, he also doesn't need to know about every aspect of his job.

It's harder when it's another Loki variant that comes across his desk. Sylvie is a point of...contention? A special case, that's for certain. Dangerous, yes, and well worth his involvement, but...different. Not, as such, a case at all anymore, not really. But this one's fairly cut and dry. He frowns when he looks through the casefile. Because Loki shouldn't be anywhere near this one.

Variant L1952 took a different turn after being picked up by Thanos. A mix of biding his time too long, the effects of the mind stone, some powerful persuasion, and a budding army of zealots - this one turned from desperate survivalist wannabe conqueror into a fullblown child of the Mad Titan. It's not pretty, the way things devolve for the variant from there, at least as far into the branch as they've been able to track. The trickiest part is how this one seems to elude their immediate grasp. He's slippery and powerful and needs another set of eyes to make a plan of action to find him and take him in with as little injury to the hunters as possible. The scepter is a tremendous artifact with a stone of great ability if used right (and he can see it now, a trophy in Ravonna's office, and the thought hurts more than he thinks it should), and even when Gamora and Nebula aren't around, or Proxima Midnight and the rest, there's still a Chitauri army to contend with.

It's the kind of thing where he realizes he could use Loki's insight on this, too. Not just for it being a Loki variant - Mobius has seen many come and go without issue before. There's a combination of who it is, and the circumstances surrounding him, and not to mention Thanos in play, that makes him realize that a little help might be prudent for expediency's sake.

He doesn't want to let Loki know. It's...delicate. The kind of thing that his Loki is still relatively fresh from, that might still bleed as an open wound. But Loki's a nosy little shit, and he has noticed a new case that he has decidedly not been specifically on, so there are questions. And he hates this. But. But.

Stonyfaced, he hands Loki the file.] You're not gonna like it.

Comments

[icasm]

'It' being our feelings or 'it' being the relationship between the two of us, because either way, yes. We are at that point. You nearly died, [ he says in a rush, ] and I'm not... I'm still worried this is a dream I'm having and you're not actually alright and being obtuse and oddly adorable against my shoulder right now.

[ Does he really think he's dreaming? Well. Worse dreams have been had, certainly. He presses his nose to the top of Mobius' head, takes a deep breath, and tries to stop his brain from spinning off in some strange direction. ]

I like words. [ Specific words, flowery words, words that describe what he's up to. ] You know this about me.

[favoriteanalyst]

Loki. I'm aware. As the one that nearly died, I'm pretty aware of almost dying, and it's not a dream. It's not a dream. You're here, and you're with me.

[He's usually better with words. But he's not in the best condition. How does he- what does he say to bring Loki back down to solid ground? It isn't fair, he knows, to think that Loki should now take the time to care for him with nothing in return.]

Words are good. I... [He swallows. Breathes. He's so good at words, and they're failing him when they matter most.] Loki, I...

[Fuck. Fuck this. He huffs again and balls a fist in Loki's shirt, cursing lowly under his breath. With considerable effort, he pushes himself up, groaning and shifting until he's sitting upright. It takes more out of him than he'd like, but it helps, to be up, to actually make himself look at Loki. Frustrated at himself and afraid at the same time.]

Love. Love is a word. It's a verb that describes what I do to you. I don't know why it's so damn hard to say I love you. [Even with all of that, saying it takes his breath away, makes him freeze up. Feels like a stumbling block and doesn't know where to go with it next.]

I could have sworn I answered this, must have been dreaming about it

[icasm]

[ While Mobius hauls himself upright Loki remains still, as something to lean on, something to create leverage with; his hand comes up to cover Mobius' clenched into the material of his shirt, once he's sure doing so won't be an indication that he thinks Mobius should stop.

He's worried about pulled stitches or something else, but whatever has driven Mobius to need to be upright probably won't listen to Loki's worried shushing anyway.

Still. To hear that Mobius loves him is unexpected, causes Loki to draw a quick breath, fingers tensing over Mobius' hand. ]

Love is a word, for what you do to me. [ He tilts his head as he parrots Mobius' words back at him, amusement sparkling in his eyes for the first time in hours. ] An accurate one. I love you too, you know.


[ Mobius probably does know, actually... Loki has been aware of his feelings for a little while now, and so he imagines has been the other man, since Mobius knows him so well. Or maybe he didn't know. Maybe he'd been surprised to hear it returned to him.

Either way. He reaches out to touch the side of Mobius' face, softly. ]

Does that mean moving in is a given?

[favoriteanalyst]

[Good thing he doesn't try to stop Mobius, because he wouldn't have listened. He would have been stubborn and defiant and a little unsettled, and they know each other well enough by now to have enough sense to let them occasionally do stupid things just to get it out of their system. He's pretty sure he hasn't pulled any stitches, at any rate.

When Loki echoes the words back at him, he feels stupid. Really fucking stupid. These are not the ideal conditions to finally bust out the dreaded l-word by any means, but they're the conditions they've got right now. And when Loki says it back, like it's easy, without all the drama and struggle that Mobius had displayed, well, he feels even stupider. But also loved. But also like an idiot. But also cared for. So. Maybe it balances out?

He still isn't quite sure how to react. That they've said it now, to each other, and the universe hasn't ended. There's no nexus event in the TVA. Nobody's kicking open the door, or creating an amber doorway to come marching them off. It's just the two of them still saying things they both already knew but didn't have it in them to say.

He laughs when Loki touches his face, asks the question, like a heavy weight has lifted and he can finally start to relax.]

Yeah. You can take that as a given. [He raises a hand to cover Loki's.] You've got some really awful timing.

[icasm]

I've never been good at timing, [ he admits a little quietly, because gods above and below know that to be true about Loki. But it does bring to light, in Loki's mind, how he has no idea how confessions of love usually go. Perhaps with just the parties involved present, perhaps there are candles or chocolates or a post-coital haze involved. All the examples he knows of are fictions.

So he frowns, a little, lacing his fingers between Mobius' at the other man's cheek. ] I didn't say it before because... [ Because he thought Mobius knew? No. That is more excuse than anything. ] I wasn't sure you'd believe me, and I didn't want to know if you didn't feel the same.

[ The truth. An oftentimes ugly thing he'd rather have nothing to do with. ]

It would have been worse, I think, if I didn't say it back when you did. So perhaps you can be blamed for the timing, here.

[favoriteanalyst]

I'm pretty good at telling if you're lying. [And water's pretty good at being wet.] I would've believed you if you told me. But, I do wanna point out this is still fully on you, because you're the one who brought up the moving in thing. Which prompted this.

And... [His turn to frown, to glance away, to feel awkward. And recenter himself.] There's a difference in knowing and knowing. Pretty sure we were both pretty sure we both felt the same way. But saying it and acknowledging it is...a big deal. Because it's not conjecture or guesswork now. I'm not reading too much into it, right?

[icasm]

[ Loki rolls his eyes a little at being told it's still his fault but he can accept it, honestly, so it's mostly that he doesn't like it as opposed to any belief that Mobius is wrong, there. ]

I hate when we're both here and separated. I hate sleeping in my own room. [ Not that he manages much by way of sleeping in those assigned quarters. Too sterile, too strange, too devoid of the people he wants around him at all times. Too reminiscent of the fact that he didn't choose the TVA, it was merely the better option in the face of being erased from time. ] I brought it up because I don't want to deal with that anymore, not in the face of all this, and... I'm sorry, it's shitty timing. I don't know how people usually negotiate these things.

[ Admitting he doesn't know what's been expected of him, in this case, doesn't feel great, honestly. They still haven't decided on what to even call their dynamic. ]

It is a big deal; I've never... I've never said that to anyone. [ It was easier to be loose about it because Mobius said it first, but that doesn't change that it is a big deal and is important. ] No one has said it to me.

I don't think you're reading too much into it.

I just don't know what I'm supposed to do.

[favoriteanalyst]

[And Mobius can't be too helpful because...he's never done this, either. Never had anyone move in with him. Never said an I love you before, and meant it, in this kind of way. It's new territory for both of them.]

I can't tell you what you're supposed to do. [He breathes out a little sigh and then turns his head just enough to kiss the palm of Loki's hand.] But I can tell you what I'd like you to do.

I'd like you to get another blanket for me. And then I...well, I'd, uh. [Funny how it's the small things, the sweetly intimate things that trip him up. If this were strictly sexual, he wouldn't be shy about his desires. But this feels more, somehow, and he has to work up to it.] If you could hold me. That'd be nice. I can lay back against your chest. It's a pretty cozy place from experience.

[icasm]

[ Loki smiles, complicated and clearly wanting to be fleeting, but he holds it nonetheless. ]

Alright. I can definitely do that. Here; [ he turns and takes up the glass of water again, handing it to Mobius. ] Have more of this.

[ Fortunately, he knows where they are. Unfortunately, he has to get out of bed in order to obtain one. So he pries himself away and stands, moving to one of the walls where there are cupboards and opening one to find a series of folded blankets.

He grabs two. Just in case. He isn't cold personally, but he isn't warm either, and medical facilities he's learning are often colder than he finds strictly necessary.

One blanket is unfolded and added on top of the one Mobius is already using. The other he wraps around his shoulders before he goes back to join Mobius in the narrow bed. ]

[favoriteanalyst]

[Mobius likes to be a doer. He wants to be coming up with solutions, puzzling things out, doing something, and this whole stuck in bed healing thing lets him do very very little of that. So he's caught between one side finding this all very nice, watching Loki putter around and then cuddle up with him at his request while he sits back and sips on water he's really starting to wish was a stiff drink. And then the other side that feels downright infirm and useless and small. Having their scripts flipped, Loki the caretaker and Mobius the needing, is still a very odd sensation.

Less odd and very nice sensation: Loki back in bed with him. With a little moving about, they arrange themselves comfortably, Mobius leaning back against his partner who is actually pretty cozy in spite of his long lines and sharp angles with a deep sigh.]

I don't think you should be worried about any of the supposed to's when it comes to all this, [he says in lieu of a thank you.] This isn't exactly a typical kind of romance, time agent and variant god. We'll figure out our own way. And yeah, yeah, we'll probably make mistakes and hit bumps in the road, but we'll do it in our own way. Is that okay?

[icasm]

It feels like you're always telling me that.

[ That they'll figure it out in their own way, that he shouldn't be worried about what's 'supposed' to be. And he's not sure what it speaks to more— that Loki doesn't know what he's doing on any level, here, or that he's had no proper examples of how something like this might work. Or that he requires more comforting than most, because...well. Because of a lot of reasons.

His arms come up around Mobius lightly, holding him close but hopefully not squeezing too tightly against anything that is currently healing. He cards his fingers through Mobius' hair and sighs. ]

It'd be nice if I knew...anything about what I was doing.

[favoriteanalyst]

[The light touches are enough to get a pleasant rumble out of Mobius, between that and the extra blanket of warmth and this feeling of care and protection.]

It's not your fault. You've never done this before. [Not really. Not with this kind of seriousness.] I don't think anyone ever actually knows what they're doing. We think we do, from the stories and songs, but when you actually get to it, it's...it all just slips right through your fingers. Stumbling around blind until you find the lightswitch.

[icasm]

[ There's some wondering of whose fault it is, then, but asking that aloud feels a little too much like whining to be strictly useful and so it stays in his head, where it belongs. That Mobius thinks no one knows is both comforting and not; Casey didn't know what a fish was, so maybe those who work for the TVA are just uniquely naive about things.

Which should be fine, right? It means they're on relatively even footing. Yet he doesn't think that Mobius is as concerned with fucking it all up horribly as Loki is.

He sighs a little. ]

How long does finding the light switch take?

[ He suspects the answer is 'it depends'. On a lot of things that are beyond his own control at this moment. But he'd like to feel less...unmoored, about all of this, at some point. Certain about it might be asking too much but less scared, less jumpy? That'd be nice. ]

You don't really have to answer that.

[ A beat. ]

I love you.

[ Because it seems worth repeating. ]

[favoriteanalyst]

[It's hard to answer it anyway when Loki repeats the three words. It feels like his heart swells and stutters at the same time, allows the warmth to start seeping in to replace the cold that so gripped him. He lays a hand overtop Loki's.]

I love you.

[Easier the second time around, yet no less meaningful.]

I don't know if I've ever loved anyone in my life, y'know, before. [Seems like he might've, maybe. Family, kids, dog. Don't think about it.] But I haven't while I've been here. I haven't loved anyone the way I love you. So it's brand new to me, too.

[icasm]

[ Loki realizes that he'd presumed that Mobius had, at some point prior to this, loved others. Or at least been infatuated. He also realizes more or less at the same time that those are not equivalent things, really, and he should probably stop considering them to be such.

He makes a humming sound of consideration, tangling his fingers with Mobius'. ]

Do you ever wonder about your life before the TVA?

[favoriteanalyst]

Yeah. [The word is heavy in spite of how casual it is. Like dropping a stone from a height. He wonders if he feels heavy against Loki, or if Loki's physiology negates any of that.]

Hard not to. I try not to. But I do.

[He doesn't elaborate from there. He's not sure where he'd start if it's not asked. Loki asked a question, and he answered. It's the opposite of Loki, isn't it? Who peered into his potential future to learn what could have been and now, for him, will never be. There's a desire to know and a fear of what might be found.]

[icasm]

[ Loki wonders why Mobius tries not to, what it is he's so resistant towards learning about himself, about his past. But then again... there's a good chance that learning about his past would only make him feel upset at being forced to forget.

Maybe ignorance is bliss, here in this situation.

So he doesn't ask. He figures if Mobius wants him to know something specific, he'll tell Loki, but digging at this otherwise doesn't feel comfortable or fair at the moment. They can talk about something else.

Or he can tease him about it. ]

What if you turned out to be the inventor of the jet-ski?

[favoriteanalyst]

You think I haven't looked into who invented the jet ski? I'm definitely not that guy. Don't look a thing like him.

[The awful part about it is, humor aside, it means now he's thinking about it, and he would very much prefer not to be. Who was he before? Did he do anything noteworthy? Was he just some guy? What was his nexus event? Who were his loved ones?]

Anyway, it doesn't really matter, does it? My timeline would've gotten pruned. [In theory. That's how it's supposed to go. Not that everything always goes how it's supposed to in the TVA.

Maybe it's worse that it does matter. Because if he's a variant, that means somewhere out there is a sacred version of himself. How could he not know that? How could any of them been left unaware all along? Surely there would have been other variants of someone in the TVA. At some point. You can't just delete a whole person from the timeline. Right?]

Worried there might've been someone else before you?

[icasm]

You could've been his boyfriend, [ Loki teases gently.

But he stays silent when Mobius says it doesn't matter. That his timeline would have been pruned anyway. He's thinking about how he'll never see his Thor again, how there's no reality in which he fits, in which Sylvie fits, and wonders how long it took her to realize that.

Wonders when it's really going to hit him that everything he knew is probably gone. ]

I don't think worried is the word...

[ So what is the word, exactly? Curious? Probably moreso than anything else. ]

I just would like to know what your type is, I suppose. [ Not so he can be that. Not exactly. But so he knows what to compare himself to, because he's gonna compare himself to something, even if it is just imaginary. ]

[favoriteanalyst]

[It's...indelicate of him, the way he's treating the topic. Loki's trying, bless his nervous heart, but it pricks at Mobius like he's touching a live wire every time he comes close to the realization that his life as he knows it is a lie. There's a possibility that those memories could be restored, and somehow that's even worse, that there might be a choice to make. How does he reconcile with the idea that he's ever been anyone but who he is?

He tries to relax, pulls one of Loki's hands up to kiss his palm, down to the pulse point of his wrist, tries to make the sigh out of him to be one of anything but frustration at himself.]

Pretty sure you're my type. That the concept of Loki is my type, one way or the other.

[icasm]

[ Loki blinks at that. Obviously. Obviously. It makes sense; Mobius was interested in Loki variants from jump. He knew everything about him, about his place in the Sacred Timeline. He's dealt with other versions. He's...

He shuts his eyes. Breathes. Why is this so unsettling? To be boiled down to a concept, perhaps, but that shouldn't upset him. Should it?

Maybe it doesn't matter how it started. Mobius loves him. That's important. That matters.

(Still, he knows this is going to bother him.) ]

Too bad you didn't pick one to fall for that still calls Asgard home. You'd have made a very fetching royal consort.

[favoriteanalyst]

[There's a moment of hesitation, and maybe it was a mistake to ask for this as a setup, with Mobius laid back against his tall boyfriend, because he can't look him in the face without a good bit of twisting that his middle is not currently ready for. Still. It's enough to worry him. That he'd misspoken? Said something wrong. Or Loki was simply processing the sentiment?

But then Loki has to go and say that, and at least for Mobius, it breaks some of the tension.]

Oh, yeah, I can see that going over real well. I think I'd stand out of a harem lineup like a sore thumb, and fetching I most certainly am not. Your brother's got better taste in consort-y companionship, frankly.

[icasm]

[ There's a soft snort from behind Mobius, and some of the tension leaks away from Loki's shoulders as he relaxes further into the bed. ]

A stranger decision in a long line of rather strange decisions.

[ He presses his fingers in-between Mobius', curling his hand around the other man's. ]

There'd be some talk, certainly. Nothing you couldn't handle, I'm sure.

[favoriteanalyst]

I can handle whispers behind my back and a gossipy court. Yeah. You'd have to get me all dressed for the part, though. What do you think, fancy silks and soft leathers? Put me in green so everyone knows I'm yours?

[There's something that feels very pleasant about being Loki's. About saying it in such a way. Makes him feel warmer in the same way the extra blanket and Loki's bodily presence do.]

And then I'll have to prove myself or earn my keep or something, probably, and I don't know how I'd do that, but it won't be through a fight.

[icasm]

Fancy silks and soft leathers are the uniform, more or less. Green, definitely. What is your favorite color?

[ Please don't say khaki. ]

Hm. I doubt that would be difficult. Just put you in front of a psychological puzzle and you'd be certain to wow them all.

Not everyone has to know how to fight.

[ He does wish that Mobius did know, but that doesn't exactly have room in this little fantasy. ]